What makes a mom?

NOTE: This entry is not intended to be a commentary on the state of our culture, or to spur on a sociological debate. These are only thoughts from someone who has limited authority to have thoughts on anything at all, so please put away any and all soapboxes for another day and go hug your mother. Thank you.

With this being the week of Mother's Day, I've been thinking a lot about my continuing journey as a mom, and what makes a mom. 

How does someone become a mother? Where do mothers come from? 

 I'm not talking about the birds and the bees of life, but rather matters of the heart. In turning this over and over in my head, I've come to the conclusion that there are lots of different types of moms, and they all come from different places. 

Now I've only been a mother for a little over 4 years now, but the journey started a long, long time ago. When I was still a girl, God placed it in my heart to be a mother. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't born with the desire to be a mother since I don't ever remember picturing my future without children! 

On the other end of the spectrum, I have known women who have no burning desire for children, and even some that seem to be completely turned off to having children altogether. I have also known women who want children more than anything else but cannot have a biological child, and women/ girls who have reluctantly become mothers in a moment of unplanned passion. (Oops!)

Mothers are made out of all kinds of different cloth, but the one common thread that can be found is this: they have been chosen by God to play some part in the next generation.

Whether reluctantly or intentionally, new life is no accident. There is a Creator that fashions each one of us together, and he uses a mother as the vessel. 

For the reluctant mother who makes the very difficult decision to put her baby up for adoption...For whatever reason, you made a decision to carry that child to full term in a world that says that there are other options. You took that child's best interest at heart in giving him/her over to a family that has the heart, desire, and means to raise them up to adulthood. What else but love would drive someone to do such a thing? One of the most agonizing things that I have ever bore witness to was watching a 13 year old girl hand her newborn daughter over for adoption. She sobbed for days, but she knew that it was the best thing for her baby. This perspective gave me a whole new respect for that side of the adoption process. At 13 years old, she had a mother's heart.

For the mother who cannot bear children...God has a special call for you. A call to raise children to which you did not give birth. He has given you the heart and desire to raise a child, and there are children and reluctant mothers that need you! God made you a mother when He placed that desire within you. He can turn anything that the enemy would intend to use for evil into a great blessing. That child will always know that you chose them, and you should always know that God chose you. 

For the grieving mother...I cannot imagine any greater loss than the loss of a child. Whether the loss happened in the womb, at birth, or when the child was 30 years old, there's so much pain in knowing that everything that you could do as that child's mother was not enough to keep them here on this earth. As moms, we would like to think that from the moment that child is conceived, there is nothing that we can't and won't do to protect them, but it's just not true. We simply do not hold that kind of power. The good news is that there is a Father who holds all of the power, and He can and will sustain us in the most unimaginable circumstances if we let Him. Grieving mother, don't grieve alone. Find someone to talk to, to remember with, to hold you up or just to hold your hand. Please don't walk this one alone.

For the stepmom...When you met the man of your dreams, it probably didn't occur to you that you were taking on a bigger role than you initially realized. Maybe you had children when you met him and his brood, and maybe you didn't. Either way, you now have an important role in the lives of his children whether you wanted it or not, so now what? You have the opportunity to prove every negative thing that anyone has ever said about stepmoms wrong. If you truly believe that God placed you with this man, then it's very likely that God knew he had children from a previous relationship, and He's going to expect you to step up. If the children's mother is still living, then it can really add a twist to the dynamics of the whole situation! Let's not beat around the bush. Two mothers on the scene rarely ever make for days filled with sunshine and roses, but that is no excuse for not trying to make it work with the kids. They can see in you that God is the God of second chances, and that they are worthy of great love from someone other than their birth parents. That is a great responsibility!

For the single mom...Perhaps you are in the reluctant mom category but grew to love it over time, or perhaps you started out with a dad in the picture but then things took a turn for the worse. However it came about, you are now doing the job of two parents, and there probably isn't anyone around most of the time to take notice of just how hard you work. Your children may not fully appreciate all that you do for them, but that doesn't mean that they never will. Keep hanging there. They may be ungrateful, selfish, and inconsiderate sometimes, but after all, they are just kids. They need you whether they know it or not! Someday they will realize that when other people were walking in and out of their lives, mom stood firm. Teach them about their Heavenly Father, and that He will never leave them nor forsake them...and don't forget that He will never leave or forsake you either. 

For moms in general....Don't forget how blessed you are. When you notice that things are hanging lower this year than they did last year, or that your last pregnancy left your stretch marks with stretch marks, or that there's a pacifier in your purse where your lip gloss used to be, remember that you were chosen.  Your job is never ending, leaving little time for yourself or anyone else, including the kids. To borrow a phrase from a friend of mine, "Sometimes all I can do is keep my children alive." Moms, we can't get so busy doing the job that we forget to enjoy the ones that we are doing the job for in the first place. I have another friend that will remind me that "the monster is always hungry," meaning that there's always something to be done. We are chosen to be moms, but we are not chosen to be perfect. That job was only given out to one human being in the history of the world, and His perfection covered the imperfections of the rest of us. 

It is an incredible thing to be chosen to be a mother, regardless of the logistics of how it happens. 

When I'm standing in the middle of a puddle of spilled milk and cheerios with one child climbing the pantry shelves and the other chewing on the business end of an extension cord while my eggs burn on the stove and my coffee gets cold, I have to remind myself that this is a blessing...over and over again. 

But then when I see those same kids playing together on the floor or greeting their daddy with big smiles when he walks in the door, or feel their little arms around my neck, I know that this is a blessing.