More Than Just A Job...

Being pushed around the house in a laundry basket train is on of our their favorite activities.

Being a stay-at-home mom has its fair share of perks and challenges. The greatest perk is job security. No one else wants to do what I do in my house, so if the laundry doesn't get touched for, oh, say, a week, I'm not going to get fired or written up. Life will move on, and I'll get to it when I get to it.

On the other hand, if I don't ever do the laundry, it REALLY won't get done. There is no delegating most of my responsibilities. There is no on call backup system in place for when I get sick or need a personal day. Perhaps when the kids get older, they can pick up some chores, but for right now, this is mostly a one woman show.

Allow me to stop the train right here for a moment to clarify that, yes, my husband also lives here, and yes, he could do a little more, but I, personally, don't ask that of him...often. He holds down jobs (plural) outside of our home, and works very hard all day long, just like me. When he has time off, I don't usually do anymore than is absolutely necessary so that we can spend that time together, and we wouldn't be able to spend that time together if he had to walk in the door and start yet another task. Yes, we may have to sometimes clear away a space on the couch to snuggle for the evening, and by the end of a weekend off we look like we're living in an episode of hoarders, but this is our home. Not a to-do list. We do a really good job of living in it. Anyone who doesn't like that...Tough. Noogies.

Back on track...

So yeah, I get crabby. I get resentful and negligent of my responsibilities when it feels like I'm up to my neck in dirty dishes, and demands for snack time and bath time and playtime, and the plumber needs to be called again, and the car is due for an oil change, and and and...

I have the right to be crabby, right? Right?

Well, no, actually. I don't. It doesn't mean that it won't happen anyway, but it's not my right to let my emotions rule my day.

A few days ago, the Lord brought this verse to my attention...again:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." -Colossians 3:23-24 NIV

I've read it a million times. I know this one. Got it. Moving on.

(Oh, how God must roll His eyes and sigh at me when I treat His Word in this way. Much the same way that I roll my eyes at my kids when they insist they know how to do something that I know they have not yet mastered.)

Tuckered out after a day at Dollywood.

As I was putting my son down for his nap this afternoon, he asked me to sit and sing to him before leaving the room. Sounds like a sweet little request, right? Well, I know better than that. What started out a few weeks ago as a sweet little request has become another way to delay the inevitable commencement of the afternoon nap. Sneaky little monkey.

I was feeling generous (not to mention that he's just so darn cute, sneaky monkey or not), so I sat down in the rocking chair beside his crib, and promised him one song. As I was choosing the most soothing song from our sleepy time repertoire, Colossians 3:23-24 came roaring into my mind.

God was telling me in the way that only He can, 

"Sing to him like it is the a job that I gave you to do...because in this moment, it is the job that I am giving you to do. And, please, do this for your son as though you care what I think."

That stung a bit, but in the very sweetest way.

I sang to him.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus...

And when I sang to him, I felt joy that He notices, and that He cares. I felt joy knowing that I am not just doing a job that no one else wants to do, but I am doing the thing that He made me to do in this season of life. No one can do this the way that I can. If I'm really honest, this was the first time that I can remember truly being humbled that God would choose me to mother my two little turtles over anyone else in the world. 

Wow.

It's so easy to fall into self-pity when no one seems to see or notice what you do, day in and day out. But the truth is that God sees, and He wants to reward us for a job well done. For me, it is so much easier to find joy in the seemingly mundane when I know that it puts a smile upon my Daddy's face.

I don't ever want to forget this sweet correction from my Heavenly Father, but I no doubt will. Perhaps it will be the day that my little feller stuffs the toilet full of toilet paper...again.

Or when he tears apart my brand new bag of potting soil all over the deck.

Or when my little lady gets into my craft supplies and makes an irreparable mess of my yarn because she just wanted one little piece for her craft project. 

Or when she pushes a snowball into her brother's face just as I snap the picture.

It takes daily reminding that in raising, serving and investing in my children, these little treasures that He has given me stewardship over, it is for Him. He has wonderful plans and purposes for their lives, and He wants ME, of all people, to be the first on the ground to help prepare them for all that He has for them. The reality of that is enough to bring a person to their knees, as it well should.

What makes a mom?

NOTE: This entry is not intended to be a commentary on the state of our culture, or to spur on a sociological debate. These are only thoughts from someone who has limited authority to have thoughts on anything at all, so please put away any and all soapboxes for another day and go hug your mother. Thank you.

With this being the week of Mother's Day, I've been thinking a lot about my continuing journey as a mom, and what makes a mom. 

How does someone become a mother? Where do mothers come from? 

 I'm not talking about the birds and the bees of life, but rather matters of the heart. In turning this over and over in my head, I've come to the conclusion that there are lots of different types of moms, and they all come from different places. 

Now I've only been a mother for a little over 4 years now, but the journey started a long, long time ago. When I was still a girl, God placed it in my heart to be a mother. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn't born with the desire to be a mother since I don't ever remember picturing my future without children! 

On the other end of the spectrum, I have known women who have no burning desire for children, and even some that seem to be completely turned off to having children altogether. I have also known women who want children more than anything else but cannot have a biological child, and women/ girls who have reluctantly become mothers in a moment of unplanned passion. (Oops!)

Mothers are made out of all kinds of different cloth, but the one common thread that can be found is this: they have been chosen by God to play some part in the next generation.

Whether reluctantly or intentionally, new life is no accident. There is a Creator that fashions each one of us together, and he uses a mother as the vessel. 

For the reluctant mother who makes the very difficult decision to put her baby up for adoption...For whatever reason, you made a decision to carry that child to full term in a world that says that there are other options. You took that child's best interest at heart in giving him/her over to a family that has the heart, desire, and means to raise them up to adulthood. What else but love would drive someone to do such a thing? One of the most agonizing things that I have ever bore witness to was watching a 13 year old girl hand her newborn daughter over for adoption. She sobbed for days, but she knew that it was the best thing for her baby. This perspective gave me a whole new respect for that side of the adoption process. At 13 years old, she had a mother's heart.

For the mother who cannot bear children...God has a special call for you. A call to raise children to which you did not give birth. He has given you the heart and desire to raise a child, and there are children and reluctant mothers that need you! God made you a mother when He placed that desire within you. He can turn anything that the enemy would intend to use for evil into a great blessing. That child will always know that you chose them, and you should always know that God chose you. 

For the grieving mother...I cannot imagine any greater loss than the loss of a child. Whether the loss happened in the womb, at birth, or when the child was 30 years old, there's so much pain in knowing that everything that you could do as that child's mother was not enough to keep them here on this earth. As moms, we would like to think that from the moment that child is conceived, there is nothing that we can't and won't do to protect them, but it's just not true. We simply do not hold that kind of power. The good news is that there is a Father who holds all of the power, and He can and will sustain us in the most unimaginable circumstances if we let Him. Grieving mother, don't grieve alone. Find someone to talk to, to remember with, to hold you up or just to hold your hand. Please don't walk this one alone.

For the stepmom...When you met the man of your dreams, it probably didn't occur to you that you were taking on a bigger role than you initially realized. Maybe you had children when you met him and his brood, and maybe you didn't. Either way, you now have an important role in the lives of his children whether you wanted it or not, so now what? You have the opportunity to prove every negative thing that anyone has ever said about stepmoms wrong. If you truly believe that God placed you with this man, then it's very likely that God knew he had children from a previous relationship, and He's going to expect you to step up. If the children's mother is still living, then it can really add a twist to the dynamics of the whole situation! Let's not beat around the bush. Two mothers on the scene rarely ever make for days filled with sunshine and roses, but that is no excuse for not trying to make it work with the kids. They can see in you that God is the God of second chances, and that they are worthy of great love from someone other than their birth parents. That is a great responsibility!

For the single mom...Perhaps you are in the reluctant mom category but grew to love it over time, or perhaps you started out with a dad in the picture but then things took a turn for the worse. However it came about, you are now doing the job of two parents, and there probably isn't anyone around most of the time to take notice of just how hard you work. Your children may not fully appreciate all that you do for them, but that doesn't mean that they never will. Keep hanging there. They may be ungrateful, selfish, and inconsiderate sometimes, but after all, they are just kids. They need you whether they know it or not! Someday they will realize that when other people were walking in and out of their lives, mom stood firm. Teach them about their Heavenly Father, and that He will never leave them nor forsake them...and don't forget that He will never leave or forsake you either. 

For moms in general....Don't forget how blessed you are. When you notice that things are hanging lower this year than they did last year, or that your last pregnancy left your stretch marks with stretch marks, or that there's a pacifier in your purse where your lip gloss used to be, remember that you were chosen.  Your job is never ending, leaving little time for yourself or anyone else, including the kids. To borrow a phrase from a friend of mine, "Sometimes all I can do is keep my children alive." Moms, we can't get so busy doing the job that we forget to enjoy the ones that we are doing the job for in the first place. I have another friend that will remind me that "the monster is always hungry," meaning that there's always something to be done. We are chosen to be moms, but we are not chosen to be perfect. That job was only given out to one human being in the history of the world, and His perfection covered the imperfections of the rest of us. 

It is an incredible thing to be chosen to be a mother, regardless of the logistics of how it happens. 

When I'm standing in the middle of a puddle of spilled milk and cheerios with one child climbing the pantry shelves and the other chewing on the business end of an extension cord while my eggs burn on the stove and my coffee gets cold, I have to remind myself that this is a blessing...over and over again. 

But then when I see those same kids playing together on the floor or greeting their daddy with big smiles when he walks in the door, or feel their little arms around my neck, I know that this is a blessing.

Words Are Alive!

If you've ever been to Walmart (and let's face it, who hasn't?), then you don't need me to tell you that it is an intense experience in humanity. If you go there on a regular basis, you probably don't even notice most of it anymore. It's kind of like going to the circus. No one is surprised to see a clown at a circus, and no one is surprised to see human nature in its purest forms at the Walmart. Truth be told, not many would be surprised to see a clown in Walmart!

However, there is still one thing that never ceases to catch my attention when I'm walking through Walmart, or any public place for that matter.

It absolutely takes me aback to hear families verbally tear each other down one word at a time with complete disregard for the consequences.

Just recently on a shopping trip, I heard a mother say to her middle school - aged child "You must think I'm a moron! I know what I'm looking for! Now get over there and push the cart, stupid!" Not only was it a horrible thing to say, but everyone in the aisle heard it because mom wanted everyone to hear it. The child just put her head down and moved behind the cart.

No one who witnessed this scene appeared to be amused or impressed.

In the same shopping trip, I overheard another woman telling her boyfriend/ husband "So if we're not looking for something for you, then it's time to go home. That's just too bad. We'll go home when I say it's time to go home." She said all of this to him while having a cell phone glued to her head, which could have possibly been the reason she was talking so loudly.

She completely devalued him to everyone within earshot, including the person on the other end of the phone.

I believe that these people very likely care for each other in some capacity. Otherwise, why would they be together in the first place? My question is this:

If people are that ugly to each other in public, how do they speak to each other in private?

Before Adam and I got married, we began making a very conscious effort to intentionally build each other and those around us up with our speech versus verbally tearing others down.

We don't name call. We don't say things just to hurt each other. We are very careful to monitor the intentions of our words when we do argue, and we do the same when dealing with our daughter now.

On the contrary, he builds me up. Everyday, I tell him that I'm proud of the man that he has become. He tells me that I'm beautiful and that he is blessed to have me in his life. We tell our daughter that she is smart, funny, and that we are so happy that God chose us to be her parents. In return, our daughter tells us "I know that you love me," and "you're such a good mommy/ daddy." She's 3 years old, and she's already beginning to understand the power of words.

There's nothing more rewarding than hearing our child breathe words of encouragement and love to others. Imagine that.

When you really love someone with a Christ-like love, you protect them. Hurling hurtful words and insults at those you "care" about is not much different than punching them in the face just to make sure that you hurt them before they hurt you, or to make sure that you hurt them more than they have hurt you in the past.

It's cowardly.

It's hurtful.

It's an act of pride.

It's the opposite of love.

Need proof? Here's what the Word of God has to say:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV (Emphasis mine)

Need more?

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

- Proverbs 18:21 NIV (Emphasis mine)

While writing this post, I did a little research to see what other verses I could find that spoke about the power of our words, and let me tell you...there are A LOT!!!

God spoke and created something out of nothing.

With a few words, Jesus brought the wind and waves to a screeching halt.

When He was on the cross, Jesus stated that He was giving up all that he had to save us from an eternity separated from Him when He spoke the words "It is finished."

When Jesus spoke to His disciples and to the masses, He chose His words carefully in order to promote life. He spoke of hope, redemption, love, forgiveness.

Even when He was confronting the Pharisees, He spoke to them in a way that gave them an opportunity to turn to Him. He spoke to them in a way that gave them the information that they needed to speak love to others.


How do you speak to those that you love when no one is looking? When everyone is looking?


How do you speak to those that you don't even know?


Is the way that you speak to others reflective of how you want to be remembered?

Speak kindly to others, even if they don't speak kindly to you. Your life depends on it.

"...Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech."
-1 Peter 3:10 NIV