The Monster is Always Hungry

Earlier this week, our entire church staff headed off to The Cove (Billy Graham Training Center) in Asheville, NC for an all staff retreat. It was a beautiful place to retreat! We had a blast, and were spiritually refreshed and refocused at the same time. 

I learned a lot about the people that I work with, and what they are like when they don’t have a task list looming in front of them. For example, I had no idea that Aaron Goin (our finance director) was such a party animal, or that he was so aggressive in a go-cart! I also didn’t know that Caroline Ervin (our membership director) is secretly an awesome drummer, or that Gloria Petrowski (Pastor’s Assistant) was such a fierce cornhole competitor. 

(If you don’t know what cornhole is, just Google it. Please don’t try to speculate on its definition. It will only end badly.)

This weekend, Adam and I are heading off for a weekend getaway in Chicago! I’ve never been to Chicago, so I’m pretty excited.  Anytime that we are able to slip away for a few days together, we learn new things about one another that we never would have uncovered in our everyday existence. 

He is absolutely, beyond the shadow of a doubt the love of my life, but we are also jointly responsible for making sure that things in our home and at work get done. Let’s face it. In marriage, the “all work, no play” days far outweigh the “let’s cuddle and talk for hours while staring into each others’ eyes” days. A huge part of marriage is commitment, but it is very important to have those times together where you are reminded of the reason that you committed in the first place. Ninety-nine percent of the time, these days must be intentional if they are to happen at all!

This is true in ministry as well. 

Intentional time away for reflection, evaluation and remembering is vital. Our Worship and Creative Arts Leader, Michele Stephens, reminds me often that “the monster is always hungry.” In ministry, there’s always something to do. There’s always a process that needs tweaked. There’s always a phone call to make. There’s always a schedule that needs to be done. It can be so easy to lose the joy of serving God through serving others.

Whether it’s a getaway with the church staff, or with my spouse, time away from the everyday grind brings back the focus that I need so that I can return with a clear mind, energized, and reminded of what I love about the man that I married, or the life that I have committed to use in serving God by serving others.

Without focus, it’s just another thing that I have to do.

Finding My Husband

On Saturday, April 17th, Adam and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. Whenever this date rolls around, I don’t think so much about our wedding day, honeymoon, or our engagement. The one thing that I can’t help but think about is how our relationship is an illustration of God’s unending grace and love.

Our story has more to do with God's love for us versus our love for each other.

Before we met, I was recovering from a very painful, and ultimately life-changing, breakup with someone whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life. As a result of that relationship ending, I experienced a very isolated and lonely summer in between semesters in college. This was the first time that I had been without a boyfriend, or at least a boy to take the place of a boyfriend, in almost 6 years. It was uncomfortable. So, I did the only thing that was left for me to do…I cried out to God. Long cries. Desperate cries. There was so much pain in those cries.

After about 2 months of searching and praying, I began to feel that peace. The peace that the Bible describes as surpassing all comprehension. It was God’s peace. 

I came to understand that God was to be my focus, and that He would provide my every need. Up until this time, I had looked for fulfillment and affirmation in whomever I was dating at the moment. That was, and always will be, a recipe for disappointment. I was done with dating just for fun, and was ready to date my husband.

It was at this point that I picked up my journal and started writing.

I’m about to tie all of this random information together, I promise.

One journal entry in particular stands out. In that entry, I wrote about the kind of man that I believed God was telling me would be my husband someday.

He would be a man of God.

He would not expect me to be any less than a woman of God.

He would make me laugh, and we would love being in each others' company.

He would make prayer together, and with our children, a daily priority.

He would be the head of our household.

He would love me despite all of my flaws while still challenging me to be a better person.

Just a few months later, I met Adam. It was so much deeper than love at first sight. It was affirmation from God that this was the man that I was going to marry. The most amazing part was the peace that I felt. It was a peace that took away all anxiety that some other girl might snatch him up, or that he might “get away.” 

The urgency to get this relationship off the ground was not there. Ahhhhh...

Over the next few months, we became great friends. Then, it happened.

We were having one of our long talks when he starts telling me that another friend of ours had asked him this question:

“If you had to choose someone to marry right now, who would you choose, and be certain that they could make you happy for the rest of your life?”

Then Adam said to me, “The only person that I could think about was you.”

I almost cried! After everything that I had done, after all of the mistakes that I had made, after all of my stupidity when it came to my relationships with guys, God still chose to bless me with a person that seemed to be custom-made for me. It felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest.

After prayer and seeking God’s will together, we made it official by agreeing that we were dating with the intention to marry someday. Two and a half years later, we walked the aisle and said our vows. God was definitely in the house that day!

Just before our wedding day, I found my old journal, and read over the entry that I had written during that very painful summer. Although I had never laid eyes on Adam or heard his name when that entry was written, it was a perfect description of him.

When I look at Adam now, I see God’s grace. He is my best friend, my partner in crime, my answered prayer. God has already blessed us beyond anything that we deserve, and I can't wait to see how He will use our marriage in the future. The rest of our lives starts now...

Words Are Alive!

If you've ever been to Walmart (and let's face it, who hasn't?), then you don't need me to tell you that it is an intense experience in humanity. If you go there on a regular basis, you probably don't even notice most of it anymore. It's kind of like going to the circus. No one is surprised to see a clown at a circus, and no one is surprised to see human nature in its purest forms at the Walmart. Truth be told, not many would be surprised to see a clown in Walmart!

However, there is still one thing that never ceases to catch my attention when I'm walking through Walmart, or any public place for that matter.

It absolutely takes me aback to hear families verbally tear each other down one word at a time with complete disregard for the consequences.

Just recently on a shopping trip, I heard a mother say to her middle school - aged child "You must think I'm a moron! I know what I'm looking for! Now get over there and push the cart, stupid!" Not only was it a horrible thing to say, but everyone in the aisle heard it because mom wanted everyone to hear it. The child just put her head down and moved behind the cart.

No one who witnessed this scene appeared to be amused or impressed.

In the same shopping trip, I overheard another woman telling her boyfriend/ husband "So if we're not looking for something for you, then it's time to go home. That's just too bad. We'll go home when I say it's time to go home." She said all of this to him while having a cell phone glued to her head, which could have possibly been the reason she was talking so loudly.

She completely devalued him to everyone within earshot, including the person on the other end of the phone.

I believe that these people very likely care for each other in some capacity. Otherwise, why would they be together in the first place? My question is this:

If people are that ugly to each other in public, how do they speak to each other in private?

Before Adam and I got married, we began making a very conscious effort to intentionally build each other and those around us up with our speech versus verbally tearing others down.

We don't name call. We don't say things just to hurt each other. We are very careful to monitor the intentions of our words when we do argue, and we do the same when dealing with our daughter now.

On the contrary, he builds me up. Everyday, I tell him that I'm proud of the man that he has become. He tells me that I'm beautiful and that he is blessed to have me in his life. We tell our daughter that she is smart, funny, and that we are so happy that God chose us to be her parents. In return, our daughter tells us "I know that you love me," and "you're such a good mommy/ daddy." She's 3 years old, and she's already beginning to understand the power of words.

There's nothing more rewarding than hearing our child breathe words of encouragement and love to others. Imagine that.

When you really love someone with a Christ-like love, you protect them. Hurling hurtful words and insults at those you "care" about is not much different than punching them in the face just to make sure that you hurt them before they hurt you, or to make sure that you hurt them more than they have hurt you in the past.

It's cowardly.

It's hurtful.

It's an act of pride.

It's the opposite of love.

Need proof? Here's what the Word of God has to say:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

-1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV (Emphasis mine)

Need more?

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

- Proverbs 18:21 NIV (Emphasis mine)

While writing this post, I did a little research to see what other verses I could find that spoke about the power of our words, and let me tell you...there are A LOT!!!

God spoke and created something out of nothing.

With a few words, Jesus brought the wind and waves to a screeching halt.

When He was on the cross, Jesus stated that He was giving up all that he had to save us from an eternity separated from Him when He spoke the words "It is finished."

When Jesus spoke to His disciples and to the masses, He chose His words carefully in order to promote life. He spoke of hope, redemption, love, forgiveness.

Even when He was confronting the Pharisees, He spoke to them in a way that gave them an opportunity to turn to Him. He spoke to them in a way that gave them the information that they needed to speak love to others.


How do you speak to those that you love when no one is looking? When everyone is looking?


How do you speak to those that you don't even know?


Is the way that you speak to others reflective of how you want to be remembered?

Speak kindly to others, even if they don't speak kindly to you. Your life depends on it.

"...Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech."
-1 Peter 3:10 NIV

Things my daughter taught me...

Anyone will tell you that having a child changes EVERYTHING!! When I was pregnant with my daughter, Adam and I talked frequently about everything that we wanted to teach her. Little did we know that she was formulating her own little list of things that she was going to teach us.

• We've learned that spending a lot of money to give her an elaborate birthday party was more for us than for her. She could care less.

• We've learned that presents are not nearly as much fun as the boxes that they come in.

• We've learned that, with the right kind of motivation, trips to the grocery store can be done within 20 minutes. (Screaming, ripping up the grocery list, and tearing the stylus off of the credit card machine at checkout are all considered motivation for short trips.)

• We've learned that we cannot force her to learn anything in our time. We plant the seeds and pray that they'll grow.

• We've learned that our schedule means nothing to her. We are her parents all of the time, and she needs us to take her into account when making plans week to week.

• We've learned that there is no limit to how much you can love someone that is selfish, beautiful, wonderful, loud, funny, obnoxious, and completely charming. I don't believe that either of us ever dreamed that we could have this kind of capacity for love.

Now that we're expecting another little "teacher" in September, we are talking about how we get to learn all of these things all over again. We also talk about what this is going to mean for our daughter, and some of the adjustments that she's going to have to make when she's no longer the only child in the house. Something tells me that class has only just begun.

Lessons in Crawfish

One of the many hats that I wear in any given day is that of the Worship Ministry Assistant at Faith Promise Church. It's my full-time job, my ministry and the thing that gets the majority of my time and attention in any given week. That said, I get asked often "So, what exactly do you do?" At that point in the conversation, I stare blankly while thinking to myself "How much information do they REALLY want to know about what I do?"

The gist of it is this: I'm the utility person that tends to work more in the administrative realm, assisting to execute the plans and goals laid out by those in leadership. In other words, I do whatever is needed at that time.

In the course of my two and a half years in this position, my job responsibilities have changed frequently with just a few things staying the same throughout the course of changes and shifts. One of those things is the organization and execution of our annual Crawfish Boil. The guest list for this event includes the cast and crew of our Easter production, as well as all others that are involved in the worship ministry at any given time through the remainder of the year.

It's big, it's messy, and a ton of fun...most of the time.

My first experience in pulling together the Crawfish Boil was not so much fun for me. If transparency is what I'm going for here, then I must confess that I hated it. I had no idea what I was doing, and the weather was horrible! Thunderstorms. Mud. Yuck! I had never eaten crawfish, or organized anything having to do with crawfish in my life. It was stressful. It was chaotic. It...was...miserable.

There were lots of tears that day and in the days to follow. Not just because the Crawfish Boil crashed and burned, but because it was at the height of a long line of failures in this job that I had, at one time, wanted very badly. At the time, it seemed that everyone else had all of their stuff together, and I just didn't fit the mold.

(Retrospect is a beautiful thing.)

There was a laundry list of things that did not go well that year. Some of them were completely out of my control, some of them were honest mistakes, but some of them were things that I completely let go and gave up on because I was so overwhelmed. This is never a good place to be, but it does happen.

The good news is that I learned a lot from that experience while somehow managing to keep my job. When you can't walk away with success in any situation, you might as well walk away with a lesson. Otherwise, ALL is lost!

I learned that I can't do it all by myself.

I learned that my talents and natural gifts alone won't take me very far.

I learned that I don't have to appear to have it all together all of the time just because I work at a church.

Beginning that night, and in the days following, I was done. Even now, two years later, thinking about that period of time turns my stomach in knots and causes my eyes to burn. I questioned God.

"God, why did You bring me out of a job where I was successful and content only to completely crush me? Why did You lead me to work in this place if You knew that I was completely incapable and incompetent? Before these people were my co-workers, they were my church family...the only church family I've ever known. This is the last group of people that I ever wanted to disappoint."

His response has stuck with me.

"What makes you think that I put you here because of what YOU can do? I want you and everyone else to see what I can do."

Thank You, God, for the mystery that comes with everything that You do in my life. Thank You for the twists and turns that keep the journey interesting. Thank You for releasing me from the burden of having to know everything all of the time.

"...and then he told me, My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness."
-2 Corinthians 12:9 (The Message)

Peck away!

So, this is attempt #2 at starting up a blog. (Sigh.) I've been going back and forth about why I should even make a go at keeping up with a blog, and as over-dramatic as it sounds, it's really been tearing me apart! Here's an example of the inner dialogue/ argument that I've had with myself nearly everyday for months now:

"You used to love to write, and you still do. It's a perfect outlet for you! Do it!"
"So what are going to blog about?"
"I don't know. Just stuff."
"Who do you think is going to read about 'just stuff?'"
"I don't know who will read it. I just want to start writing and sharing again. There's a lot rolling around in my noggin all the time, and I need a place that I can release it in a somewhat public forum."
"Like what?"
"Just stuff."
"Stuff that others care about?"
"Maybe. Even if no one really reads it, at least I'm putting something out there."
"So if no one reads your blog, what's the point?"
"The point is that I'm doing something instead of nothing."
"So why not just keep a journal?"
"It's not quite the same."
"If no one ever reads your blog, how is it not quite the same?"
"It's just not. Geez! We're being quite the downer, aren't we?"
"Just trying to think through everything. Don't want you to be disappointed when no one cares about what you have to say on your 'just stuff' blog."
"Ouch! Encourage much?!"

I wonder if this is a familiar inner dialogue to anyone but myself? After having this conversation with myself about a zillion times, I've decided that I'm just going to do it. Hopefully, in time there will be more of a focal point to this blog. In the meantime, I'm going to be obedient to the direction in which I believe God is leading me, throw insecurity to the wayside, be as transparent as possible, and peck away. Here we go!